Day 5

I feel like the shadows are separating and flickers of light are coming in now. I'm starting to feel closer to my normal self. I still have quite a bit of recovering to do, but at least I no longer feel like I'm locked into this bit of hell forever.

The last 4 days have been tough. I look at the post op eating guide now and have to laugh. Daily, for 2 weeks, I was supposed to be able to get in 64 oz of water, at least one protein shake, broth, pudding, jello, Popsicles (all sugar free of course), cream of wheat...plus a chewable horse sized multivitamin, a chewable Calcium tablet and B12. HA! That all sounded perfectly doable pre-surgery. It sounds like a fantastical and delightful feast now...one I have not had the pleasuring of even partially consuming.

Today is definitely better than yesterday, as has been the case thus far. Actually, instead of being a little better than Day 4, I would say Day 5 is exponentially better. Some good things did happen yesterday. For instance, my bowels started working again. Sorry if that's TMI, but I'm going no holds barred here. Of course, even though they are working again, it is a liquid in, liquid out process, but that's ok. I'll take it for what it is...a sign of progress. Yesterday, I discovered that I can again drink my Crystal Lite Ice Tea (which is 99.9% caffeine free in case you are wondering). That helps me get my water in a little better, honestly, since that's really all it is. I got a good 16 oz of it down yesterday and 24 oz. so far today. I have also discovered Popsicles go down slowly and wonderfully and are like a little piece of heaven on a stick.

Cabin fever set in yesterday, though, and I insisted Joe take me out. We did a jaunt to the mall to pick up something from the Apple store. It was hell. I guess I made the mistake of having some swallows of my protein shake before we left and the gas bubbles in my chest were excruciating, so the car ride over was torture. Then, when we got there, I walked in the door and into the Apple store, which was right near the door and I was done. I had to sit down and felt dizzy again like a had a couple days ago. We went right home and I crashed on the recliner.

After a rest and some more drinking, I did feel better again. I was even able to do laundry (minus carrying the baskets of clothes). Joe asked me if I was sure I didn't want him to do it, but I was totally having a great time. I loved being able to just do something normal! Today was even better as far as activity. I have had no nap, minus going back to sleep for 2 hours after the boys left early this morning and I was able to get a shower without getting winded. Plus, I actually drove to pick up Cameron from daycare this afternoon! Ok, so it was only a mile round trip, but it was so liberating. I missed my SUV and freedom! I'm still a couple days off from driving all the way to a store and walking around and driving back home, but it's a start. I miss my motorcycle too, but that's still a ways off, so I'm trying not to think about it too much.

Today's steps forward also included another, less desirable one. Today, for the first time in several days, I felt hunger. I miss food. I ordered Joe and Cameron pizza this evening to give him a break from all the cooking and other domestic duties he's been doing. Gosh, it smelled so good. It's going to be a very long time before I can have a few bites of pizza. It made me a little sad...ok a lot sad. It's like quitting smoking in a way. You still want it even though you know it's bad for you and the smell is just...intoxicating. Like quitting smoking, it's also going to be a lifelong battle. It sucks that I was gifted with an addiction to overeating, but it's my cross to bear, and I have to learn to let good sense rule over impulse and fleeting moments of pleasure. Hopefully, in return I will gain long term health and happiness...and, maybe some sexy clothes too. :o)